I will begin by saying it’s not our job to make people “better.” (Which usually means make people act how we think they should act.) Some people because of personality, habits, childhood patterns are messier or like to hold onto things. It’s different. Not bad. Especially if they don’t see it as bad.

I always start with making sure the cluttered one has their own space where they can pile it with boxes.

When it is invading everyone else’s space then you get to have a conversation. Get curious instead of judgmental. Ask, “What are you afraid of if we let some things go?” or “Why do you think you like to hold onto things?” Listen deeply without trying to change them.

Then let them know you are feeling stifled by all the things saved from the past or that might be needed in the future. You want room for your current life. You can only take so much of the past or future with you before there is no room for now. Getting ready in the morning is hard. Making dinner is hard. Relaxing in the family room is hard.

Ask how you can help. Let them lead their own efforts.

Help them get in the habit of releasing an old version when you buy a new version. If you know some people leaving the nest you can give things to them. Your spouse might find it easier because he/she knows they will be of use to someone else.

They can also use a just in case box of things he thinks he might need. After 30 days, 60 days or 6 months (depending on how attached) see if any of those have been used. If not, it might be easier to let go.

You aren’t a store so you don’t need to keep stuff just in case. If it’s going to cost you less than $20 to replace it’s not worth the cost of your space. Remind your family member of the other costs to you – relationally, physically, psychologically.

And the biggie – when they do need it, are they going to remember they have it or be able to find it? The more clutter, the less likely you can find things when you need them.

If it’s in communal space, let them know you want to declutter it. If they want to keep it, they have to find a space for it elsewhere.

Keep it all light, delve into some humor and don’t nag no matter how tempting.

If you or someone you know could use some decluttering help, join my Declutter Group that starts January 23rd. This may be the last time I offer this class in this format.