“You can measure the impeccability of your word by your level of self-love. How much you love yourself and how you feel about yourself are directly proportionate to the quality and integrity of your word.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

Self-esteem has become synonymous with praise. If only we had praise when we were children. If only my husband complimented me more. What I have observed, and Mr. Ruiz said though, is that real confidence, real self-esteem comes from making commitments to yourself and others, than keeping them.

How do you feel when you’ve decided you will exercise for 15 minutes a day this week and at the end of the week you have exercised every day? Now how do you feel when you say I am going to exercise 5 days this week, and then exercise just twice?

When we are trying to change, too often we make huge commitments we can’t meet and then feel worse than before. The solution is to make smaller, bite sized commitments – and then FOLLOW THROUGH. Remind yourself that every time you don’t do what you say you will, it is a blow to your feelings self-worth.

If your boss asks you when you can have the project done by, add a few days to when you think you can have it done. Better to have it completed early than have it completed late.

The 7 thing to do list vs. the 20 item to do list is an example of committing to less, but making sure you follow through.

Instead of committing to teaching Sunday School every week, partner up with someone to teach every other week.

Decide to declutter one small section of a room this week, instead of overhauling the whole basement.

And stay aware of all the commitment you do make. You may be overbooking yourself and setting yourself up for failing to meet your commitments, just because you don’t realize all of what you are saying you will do.

You make an off-handed comment to your daughter that you will play a board game with her tomorrow when she asks you to play something now. Tomorrow comes and you have forgotten the game until your daughter’s hurt face reminds you. But, you are too overbooked today to have the time.

How many times have you said, “Sure, no problem” before even checking your schedule.

Each of your commitments needs to be made with full thought and understanding. Because each missed commitment makes you less confident, feel less reliable,and makes you seem less responsible. You lose the respect of others. And worse you lose your self-respect.

That doesn’t mean you keep making the same, small commitments. Once you have mastered 15 minutes a day of exercise. Add five minutes to your workout time. Or decide to take an exercise class once a week as well. As you gain confidence and self-esteem on the small things, you can gradually accomplish more growth in larger things.

Are there any huge commitments you have made that you can turn into smaller commitments? Have you committed to more than is possible? Can you dump some of the commitments or renegotiate deadlines? Be aware of all the commitments you make today and make sure they are commitments you have time to accomplish and that you really want to do.